Hi Everyone, I just wanted to share my latest post on Agent Genius in case you missed it and need a good laugh for the day. Thanks for viewing!
The Caravan From Hell
Yes, we have all had those caravans that were not exactly successful. But there reaches a point when a gal just wants to burn her license. My friend from Nelson Shelton told me a tragic story (hilarious to my sick mind, of course), about a Caravan gone so wrong that Right was just a burg in another galaxy. The agent had advertised, prepared a luncheon, purchased flowers, lit candles, and even said a few Hail Marys before getting her listing ready for the first Brokers Open.
Smoking Will Kill Ya!
The agent decided that a fire in the fireplace would be the final touch in setting the ambience. She lit the fire and went back to her food prep. When she smelled smoke, she realized that she had forgotten that little fireplace device called a ‘flue.’ The instant she opened it, something out of the depths of Hell flew past her face…something too dense to be smoke. In a moment of disbelief that could rival only a Hitchcock film, she looked up to see three bats overhead, freaking out from the smoke. Apparently they had taken the fastest path out of the chimney - the open flue - rather than the upper path to freedom. Or maybe they were just blinded by the smoke. The ratlike creatures were absolutely manic. She reckoned that the screams that were erupting from her prolapsed jaw were not helping matters.
Is There a Continuing Ed Course For This?
Being the brainy agent that she was, she grabbed a broom, opened the wall of French doors, and managed to scoot two of the flying vermin out of the house. Then came the showdown. The remaining bat hovered against a skylight, eyeing her coiffure with a taste for vengeance. In the nick of time, the first agent on caravan arrived at the scene of the disaster. Being the macho sort, he sized up the sitch, told the listing agent to grab a towel and stiffle her screams, and then he mounted a chair. Carefully…oh so carefully, he grabbed the bat with the towel and ran for the door. By this time, he also was screaming like a girly-man. He threw the towel onto the patio, and waited for the bird to break free and head back to Lucifer’s den. The OK Corral had better results.
Some Visitors Just Can’t Take a Hint!
The bat had other plans. Its foot, or talon, or whatever those creepy things have attached to those vampire-like bodies, was stuck in the towel. It tried to launch itself, but the heavy towel kept the evil thing tethered. (Back off, PETA - no vermin was harmed in this rumble!) Now both agents were yelling as they helplessly watched the horror show. Soon a few more agents arrived (packing loaded business cards); and then the Police rushed in (armed with high-tech donuts, no doubt), having heard reports of screaming. Last to join the soiree was the seller, having been alerted at work by a neighbor who was sure a homicide had occured in their normally tranquil neighborhood.
Eight Heads Are Not Always Better Than One
The cop offered to shoot the bat. (Joking) The agents all vied to sell it a condo. (Half-joking) And the seller was pissed about the Egyptian cotton towel used for extrication purposes. (Not joking) Finally one brave cop, not content to wait for Animal Control because his coffee was cooling in the squad car, approached the weary bat. Reluctant to use his pepper spray on such a breeezy day, the Man of Law shook the towel a few times as everyone scattered, screamed, and looked for a nearby bush where they could empty the contents of their stomachs. But no could drag himself away from the adrenalin rush. More agents arrived, too curious to keep driving after seeing the squad car. (Hey - cops are prospects, too!) Finally the bat, having had about all he could take of the noise and hysteria, broke free and escaped. Alas, no one was quick enough to get his email address.
Moral of the Story
(Yes, Virginia, We Agents Still Have Morals.)Check fireplaces before burning anything, especially the Living Evil. Carry your own towels - you never know when you may need to soak up something nasty. If you ever have bats in a fireplace - or anywhere - be sure to get the bat pre-qualified for a loan. In this economy, everything breathing is worth your time.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Gwen's First New Column, As Seen on Agent Genius.com
Come Out of the Closet!
Okay, let’s all be honest – we want everyone out there to see our business as professional and dignified, but I say, “TIME TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!” I have heard so many shocking reports of Real Estate high jinks that I decided to share them… and maybe add a moral or two to the mix just for grins. Yes, I’m talking naked women in closets, bats in the chimney, crime scene shockers, and a Mini Cooper in the swimming pool.
I live in L.A., and yes, we are the Mother Lode of Weird, but my first report actually comes from a Realtor friend of mine from back East (dubbed Slow Take) . When I tell you the facts of his memorable event, you’ll know why this hapless soul chooses to remain anonymous.
It seems Slow Take was showing his recently separated, lovely prospective buyer a home on the Jersey Shore. The sun was grinning, there was a lovely breeze dancing in from the ocean, and Slow Take was mentally computing what his commission check was going to look like. (Cue the horn section.) As he and his client looked around the lovely beach house, excitement mounted. Unfortunately, there was more excitement than just the vibration of Slow Take’s wallet.
Moral Number One:
When he heard the back door slam, he and his client paused, all senses on alert. After a few minutes and a cursory look out the back door, Slow Take decided the door had been left unlocked and had simply been nudged by the capricious ocean breeze. Moral Number One: Never Assume Anything – Especially in a Vacant Beach House. As they went on their merry way, the imaginary sound of cash from the ATM caused Slow Take to salivate and his step to quicken.
Moral Number Two:
By the time they reached the bedroom, the buyer was ready to write a check and Slow Take was mentally purchasing his first Mercedes. Then he opened the closet. Moral Number Two: Never Open the Closet After You’ve Heard a Strange Noise. (Doesn’t anyone watch those babysitter horror films besides me?) Yes, there was a half dressed woman in there, frozen in place as though embalmed – nice, huh? But that’s not even the good part of my friend’s story!
After the mutual screaming subsided and garments were gathered, Slow Take re-dressed himself in all his professional dignity and announced that he would have to call the cops because there was obviously some breaking and entering that had taken place. At that point, naked girl picked up her dignity along with her remaining clothing and said with the greatest of self assurance that there would be none of that. She had entered legally – with an agent from another office - with whom she had been enjoying some afternoon delight when they were rudely interrupted. Apparently the agent/lover had high tailed it out the back, leaving her there in all her nonplussed glory.
Moral Number Three:
Slow Take, not to be outdone on the self-assurance scale, demanded to know the agent’s name. Her lover was a new agent Slow Take hardly knew…but someone else in the room apparently did. His buyer gasped and ran like a rabbit on crack back to the car. You guessed it – it turns out that the fleeing agent was her philandering spouse. Slow Take, not too quick on the Up Take, thought his client had just had her sensibilities offended. It took a V8 and a smack to his head before he caught on. Moral Number Three: Don’t Ask Too Many Questions Unless You’re Jack Bauer.
Moral Number Four:
Needless to say, his client’s marriage broke up, but believe it or not, my friend still got the sale! His client had enough money of her own to buy a beach house, but she chose to purchase a different one with no surprises (like a blue dress with a spot) in the closet. My last moral is really for my own satisfaction: Moral Number Four: Never Have a Tryst with a Spineless Agent.
Coming Out of the Closet
Well I just retraced my steps, and it seems we have come full circle back to closets. (We’re coming out, remember?) So next week I’ll tell you about a story from my own office that involves a crime scene during caravan. And who says we don’t have fun? Until next week, remember my motto: SANITY’S NOT ALL IT’S CRACKED UP TO BE.
Okay, let’s all be honest – we want everyone out there to see our business as professional and dignified, but I say, “TIME TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET!” I have heard so many shocking reports of Real Estate high jinks that I decided to share them… and maybe add a moral or two to the mix just for grins. Yes, I’m talking naked women in closets, bats in the chimney, crime scene shockers, and a Mini Cooper in the swimming pool.
I live in L.A., and yes, we are the Mother Lode of Weird, but my first report actually comes from a Realtor friend of mine from back East (dubbed Slow Take) . When I tell you the facts of his memorable event, you’ll know why this hapless soul chooses to remain anonymous.
It seems Slow Take was showing his recently separated, lovely prospective buyer a home on the Jersey Shore. The sun was grinning, there was a lovely breeze dancing in from the ocean, and Slow Take was mentally computing what his commission check was going to look like. (Cue the horn section.) As he and his client looked around the lovely beach house, excitement mounted. Unfortunately, there was more excitement than just the vibration of Slow Take’s wallet.
Moral Number One:
When he heard the back door slam, he and his client paused, all senses on alert. After a few minutes and a cursory look out the back door, Slow Take decided the door had been left unlocked and had simply been nudged by the capricious ocean breeze. Moral Number One: Never Assume Anything – Especially in a Vacant Beach House. As they went on their merry way, the imaginary sound of cash from the ATM caused Slow Take to salivate and his step to quicken.
Moral Number Two:
By the time they reached the bedroom, the buyer was ready to write a check and Slow Take was mentally purchasing his first Mercedes. Then he opened the closet. Moral Number Two: Never Open the Closet After You’ve Heard a Strange Noise. (Doesn’t anyone watch those babysitter horror films besides me?) Yes, there was a half dressed woman in there, frozen in place as though embalmed – nice, huh? But that’s not even the good part of my friend’s story!
After the mutual screaming subsided and garments were gathered, Slow Take re-dressed himself in all his professional dignity and announced that he would have to call the cops because there was obviously some breaking and entering that had taken place. At that point, naked girl picked up her dignity along with her remaining clothing and said with the greatest of self assurance that there would be none of that. She had entered legally – with an agent from another office - with whom she had been enjoying some afternoon delight when they were rudely interrupted. Apparently the agent/lover had high tailed it out the back, leaving her there in all her nonplussed glory.
Moral Number Three:
Slow Take, not to be outdone on the self-assurance scale, demanded to know the agent’s name. Her lover was a new agent Slow Take hardly knew…but someone else in the room apparently did. His buyer gasped and ran like a rabbit on crack back to the car. You guessed it – it turns out that the fleeing agent was her philandering spouse. Slow Take, not too quick on the Up Take, thought his client had just had her sensibilities offended. It took a V8 and a smack to his head before he caught on. Moral Number Three: Don’t Ask Too Many Questions Unless You’re Jack Bauer.
Moral Number Four:
Needless to say, his client’s marriage broke up, but believe it or not, my friend still got the sale! His client had enough money of her own to buy a beach house, but she chose to purchase a different one with no surprises (like a blue dress with a spot) in the closet. My last moral is really for my own satisfaction: Moral Number Four: Never Have a Tryst with a Spineless Agent.
Coming Out of the Closet
Well I just retraced my steps, and it seems we have come full circle back to closets. (We’re coming out, remember?) So next week I’ll tell you about a story from my own office that involves a crime scene during caravan. And who says we don’t have fun? Until next week, remember my motto: SANITY’S NOT ALL IT’S CRACKED UP TO BE.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Oops! Who Clobbered the Mom-n-Pop Investor?
As contractors, we real estate agents have to create ways to compensate for a lack of a benefit package. Perhaps you, too, are in the same situation. As you all know, the goal of the new Bailout Plan is to reduce homeowners' monthly payments to affordable levels. But the plan does NOT apply to real estate investors. This initiative is available to help homeowners retain and refinance their primary residence. However, those with multiple properties, even small investments that barely break even, need not apply.
There are many people who struggled to save and invested back into our economy as a means of obtaining financial security. Doesn't it make sense that we try to keep those people afloat as well - especially if they pay on time, have documented income and high FICO scores? (In other words, they earned the same considerations.) Quite honestly, it scares me to think how many mom-n-pop investors - and we're not talking Eli Broad here folks - are going to walk away from property they cannot refinance, especially when the lower rents are not covering the adjusting mortgages. How will this help any of us? If the government is trying to stop the stream of foreclosures, has anyone considered finding a way to help small investors hold on as well? Who is more likely to walk away from a property that cannot be re-financed to a reasonable rate - the person trying to re-fi a primary residence, or the small time businessman who knows that if he lets his rental properties go, he can still keep his residence?
There seems to be an image of an "investor" as a bigwig in a shark skin suit sucking on a cigar behind the steering wheel of a Bentley. But let's get real here. There are many hard-working folks who used property investment in place of available 401ks. Okay, so you may be thinking, "Why didn't they use IRAs or Sep IRAs? Good question. Well, one struggling "investor" (who drives a Pontiac) told me he used some equity from his residence to buy a few cheap properties a few years ago because his wife was sick. He believed in the economy and trusted that he could get some equity built up. Then, if his wife needed more treatment, he could sell if necessary and not be faced with the penalties of IRA's. Of course, this is just one story, but think of how many people out there have an extra property they are ready to let go. Is anyone else wondering how the Big Bailout is going to address THIS issue? As more REOs threaten to take us further down that slippery slope, why are we ignoring the small investors who need some assistance. After all - WE NEED THEM.
There are many people who struggled to save and invested back into our economy as a means of obtaining financial security. Doesn't it make sense that we try to keep those people afloat as well - especially if they pay on time, have documented income and high FICO scores? (In other words, they earned the same considerations.) Quite honestly, it scares me to think how many mom-n-pop investors - and we're not talking Eli Broad here folks - are going to walk away from property they cannot refinance, especially when the lower rents are not covering the adjusting mortgages. How will this help any of us? If the government is trying to stop the stream of foreclosures, has anyone considered finding a way to help small investors hold on as well? Who is more likely to walk away from a property that cannot be re-financed to a reasonable rate - the person trying to re-fi a primary residence, or the small time businessman who knows that if he lets his rental properties go, he can still keep his residence?
There seems to be an image of an "investor" as a bigwig in a shark skin suit sucking on a cigar behind the steering wheel of a Bentley. But let's get real here. There are many hard-working folks who used property investment in place of available 401ks. Okay, so you may be thinking, "Why didn't they use IRAs or Sep IRAs? Good question. Well, one struggling "investor" (who drives a Pontiac) told me he used some equity from his residence to buy a few cheap properties a few years ago because his wife was sick. He believed in the economy and trusted that he could get some equity built up. Then, if his wife needed more treatment, he could sell if necessary and not be faced with the penalties of IRA's. Of course, this is just one story, but think of how many people out there have an extra property they are ready to let go. Is anyone else wondering how the Big Bailout is going to address THIS issue? As more REOs threaten to take us further down that slippery slope, why are we ignoring the small investors who need some assistance. After all - WE NEED THEM.
Monday, March 2, 2009
What a response to the last post!
We have had great response to this question. Please see my blog post on Active Rain for a rousing discussion on the Bailout Plan - with all it's warts!
Will the Big Bailout Solve the Problem???
I have been receiving many calls and emails asking if the bailout is "going to make a difference." Thus, I wanted to find out how some of you feel about the government's "BIG PLAN." (Let's hope this does not have the setbacks and delays of Boston's BIG DIG!). I would love your feedback, and your questions. I think the debate over the size, scope and expected effects is healthy, and maybe together we can wade through the labyrinthine turns of a plan that may - or may not - save us all before we are all forced to sell our worldly possessions on Ebay and move in together in the world's largest frat house.
What do you think - should investors be made to recognize (and be responsible for) their losses on bad mortgages, or will this continue the economic freefall we have been experiencing? Do you believe the banks will really allow people with good credit and an excellent payment history to receive the same re-financing opportunites as those who have defaulted on their loans have gotten? And what do you think the conforming loan limits should be - especially in high-priced areas such as L.A., San Francisco and New York? Is congress hearing our calls?
What do you think - should investors be made to recognize (and be responsible for) their losses on bad mortgages, or will this continue the economic freefall we have been experiencing? Do you believe the banks will really allow people with good credit and an excellent payment history to receive the same re-financing opportunites as those who have defaulted on their loans have gotten? And what do you think the conforming loan limits should be - especially in high-priced areas such as L.A., San Francisco and New York? Is congress hearing our calls?
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Hi Everyone,
I wanted to share this excerpt from an article I read on housing values - I think those of you who have been fearing that you will never see value in your home again will take great comfort in this expert's opinion:
Rismedia: Feb 20, 2009Commentary: House Prices Will Rise Greatly over the Next Few Years, Buy Now
..."when the money supply is increased by an amount equivalent to 20 or 30% of Gross Domestic Product or more-naturally or unnaturally, inflation must result. That means that prices of all fixed assets rise to keep pace with the devaluation of the currency...Now, what is going to happen to home prices over the next few years?
... a side effect to saving America’s economy will be a robust increase in inflation. I believe that Inflation will regain all the “value” we lost in housing over the past two years, and that it will regain it in five years or less. Simply put, to put the brakes on inflation, government must inhibit the recovery. The people in power aren’t going to do that. Inflation is a necessary evil compared to a full scale depression and an acceptable trade off for most of us. (And oil won’t stay at about $40 a barrel too long, either!)
So tell your clients the truth: Interest rates will never be this low again in their lifetimes. Home prices won’t be this low again in their lifetimes. This is the perfect storm economically, but it also the perfect time to buy a home; provided that you buy it as a home and not a piggy bank. It’s just a nice side benefit that five years from now, the home you bought today will have appreciated so much that you’ll be thinking (just like I did in 1979): “What a smart investor I am!”
About the Author: Mike Parker specializes in online marketing services for Realtors® and real estate professionals.
I hope that makes you feel a bit more positive about the future. Let me now what you think. And incidentally, I rebuilt my website at www.LAhomesite.com - I'd love your feedback. Thanks!
I wanted to share this excerpt from an article I read on housing values - I think those of you who have been fearing that you will never see value in your home again will take great comfort in this expert's opinion:
Rismedia: Feb 20, 2009Commentary: House Prices Will Rise Greatly over the Next Few Years, Buy Now
..."when the money supply is increased by an amount equivalent to 20 or 30% of Gross Domestic Product or more-naturally or unnaturally, inflation must result. That means that prices of all fixed assets rise to keep pace with the devaluation of the currency...Now, what is going to happen to home prices over the next few years?
... a side effect to saving America’s economy will be a robust increase in inflation. I believe that Inflation will regain all the “value” we lost in housing over the past two years, and that it will regain it in five years or less. Simply put, to put the brakes on inflation, government must inhibit the recovery. The people in power aren’t going to do that. Inflation is a necessary evil compared to a full scale depression and an acceptable trade off for most of us. (And oil won’t stay at about $40 a barrel too long, either!)
So tell your clients the truth: Interest rates will never be this low again in their lifetimes. Home prices won’t be this low again in their lifetimes. This is the perfect storm economically, but it also the perfect time to buy a home; provided that you buy it as a home and not a piggy bank. It’s just a nice side benefit that five years from now, the home you bought today will have appreciated so much that you’ll be thinking (just like I did in 1979): “What a smart investor I am!”
About the Author: Mike Parker specializes in online marketing services for Realtors® and real estate professionals.
I hope that makes you feel a bit more positive about the future. Let me now what you think. And incidentally, I rebuilt my website at www.LAhomesite.com - I'd love your feedback. Thanks!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Hi Friends,
I just wanted to pass on the most recent information regarding the new legislation being pased regarding taxes and housing tax credits. James Liptak, President of the California Association of Realtors, reports the following in our most recent C.A.R. newsletter:
"Following several months of debate and delays, our state representatives in Sacramento delivered a 2009-2010 budget to Governor Schwarzenegger today. The governor is expected to sign the budget as presented. Although details are sketchy, the budget appears to raise existing sales tax levels by 1 percent, and places a 0.25-percent income tax increase across the board. Under provisions included in the new budget, the vehicle license fee will increase from 0.65 percent to 1.15 percent of a vehicle’s value.
The budget also includes: a tax credit (equal to the lesser of 5 percent of the purchase price, or $10,000) for the purchase of a single-family residence that has never been occupied, as a principal residence, between March 1, 2009, and March 1, 2010; and a 90-day additional delay in foreclosure sales, intended to force lenders to implement a proactive workout program that rewrites loans in default."
As you know, we cannot count on the media to report in a timely manner, as it took them almost a year to acknowledge that we had been in a recession for at least a year. It would not behoove buyers and sellers to wait fot the media to finally report a Recovery, as by then the window of opportunity for sales and purchases would be closed. Recent predictions across the board are for an increase in interest rates, and for Recovery in 2010. The number of foreclosures held steady or fell in number this month (depending on the area) - a positive indicator; and the Stimulus plan is intended to reduce foreclosure activity, which should further stabilize prices. Thus, if you are considering any kind of real estate transaction, economic indicators suggest that you move soon while we are still at a market low. By the time you hear the news that we are out of the hole, you will have to pay more for the same deal. I will pass on more news as it is released. Call or email me if you like to peruse charts and graphs and I will get some to you immediately. Wishing you all health, security and prosperity in these tough, but opportunity rich times.
I just wanted to pass on the most recent information regarding the new legislation being pased regarding taxes and housing tax credits. James Liptak, President of the California Association of Realtors, reports the following in our most recent C.A.R. newsletter:
"Following several months of debate and delays, our state representatives in Sacramento delivered a 2009-2010 budget to Governor Schwarzenegger today. The governor is expected to sign the budget as presented. Although details are sketchy, the budget appears to raise existing sales tax levels by 1 percent, and places a 0.25-percent income tax increase across the board. Under provisions included in the new budget, the vehicle license fee will increase from 0.65 percent to 1.15 percent of a vehicle’s value.
The budget also includes: a tax credit (equal to the lesser of 5 percent of the purchase price, or $10,000) for the purchase of a single-family residence that has never been occupied, as a principal residence, between March 1, 2009, and March 1, 2010; and a 90-day additional delay in foreclosure sales, intended to force lenders to implement a proactive workout program that rewrites loans in default."
As you know, we cannot count on the media to report in a timely manner, as it took them almost a year to acknowledge that we had been in a recession for at least a year. It would not behoove buyers and sellers to wait fot the media to finally report a Recovery, as by then the window of opportunity for sales and purchases would be closed. Recent predictions across the board are for an increase in interest rates, and for Recovery in 2010. The number of foreclosures held steady or fell in number this month (depending on the area) - a positive indicator; and the Stimulus plan is intended to reduce foreclosure activity, which should further stabilize prices. Thus, if you are considering any kind of real estate transaction, economic indicators suggest that you move soon while we are still at a market low. By the time you hear the news that we are out of the hole, you will have to pay more for the same deal. I will pass on more news as it is released. Call or email me if you like to peruse charts and graphs and I will get some to you immediately. Wishing you all health, security and prosperity in these tough, but opportunity rich times.
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