Trash Talkin' on the MLS

The Blooper Scooper is back, folks, and this week's picks demonstrate the beauty of the written turd. Uh, word. Check out these absurdities if you want a few laughs:

Expect the Unexpected

"Please compact me" (Last words of Jimmy Hoffa)
"Good desin" (So the exorcism was a success?)
"Fax or bail docs" (If I bail out a doc, can I get a free colonoscopy?)
"House with colorful accent" (Must be an Italian villa...)
"Watch the sun set over the buffs" (Gold's Gym must be up for sale.)

When Ordinary Just Won't Do

"Showing Tim - 1:00 pm" (Does Tim have something to brag about?)
"Widow shudders" (Because an idiot just walked into the room?)
"Coffin ceilings" (Perfect for an agent who is already DOA.)
"One car grudge" (Kia owner, I presume?)
"Ranch w/ 2 dunk houses" (When a coffee cup just won't satisfy your donut...)

One Toke Over The Line

"Drop in sot" (Description under Uncle Paddy's photo at Chuck-a-Jug.)
"Lick your own pants" (Recommended when you slosh your martini. )
"Designer saint" (Vera Wang before she left the convent...)

Typo of the Year:

"Wonderfuk house" (Uh, I think that's only legal in Nevada!)

That's it until next week, friends. In the meantime, be sure to visit https://www.gwen.banta.com for all your real estate needs.

The MLS Circus (Real Estate Humor)

There was a spelling circus on the MLS this week, friends. My friend from Active Rain, Kim McMahon, sent us a beauty from Chicago and colleague Marco Giancola from Ft. Lauderdale found a side-splitter. Enjoy the performance!
Under the Big Top
“Buy or tent” (Offered by Ringling Brothers Realty.)
"Foot served" (How does the other one taste?)
“Not hare Wedsday” (…But you’re a jackass today.)
“Near school an liberry” (…Then I suggest you check them out, you fruit cup.)
“Two car detected garage” (Half-brain detected on agent)
“A lot of guests parking” (This must be an L.A. rehab.)
Bring in the Clowns
“Buy now – beet rush” (Thank you for the vegetable update, potato head.)
“Central vacumme” (Perhaps you are describing your cranium?)
“This is a good by” (I suggest you say that to your career.)
“Don’t piss this one up” (That’s what I did in my pants when I read this.)
“You can’t top this house” (Have you tried calling a roofer?)
Now On The High Wire…
“Buy while interest is so low” (That’s doesn’t say much for your listing, pal.)
“Newly stagged” (Another divorce in Hollywood…)
“Nice valoo” (Is that served with chicken tandoori?)
“Tenant occupied, don’t get off in front yard” (Excuuuse me? Is this the home of Jenna Jameson?)
The Big Finale
Thanks to Kim for this Egregious Gaffe:
“VINAGE 18 units… Newr boiler porches… north of ravenswood brown line tain & short walk to river park, tuckpoint bsmt…
(Hello? Hellooo??? You with the drool on your chin - COME BACK – DON’T GO INTO THE LIGHT!!!)

For real estate listings and information, please visit me at www.LAHomesite.com

Listings with No Lick of Sense (Real Estate Humor)

There was a lot of spit-shining needed on the MLS and in local ads this week. It seems a lot of people cannot spell in our native tongue. Thanks to my colleague, Jane Peters, for her great contribution. Take a lick, uh, ”look” at these:

Lapping It Up

“Be sure to lick up” (Rent a pack of jackals, pal – this tongue ain’t for rent!)

“Awe-inspiting views” (That’s great if you’re sitting in a dental chair.)

“Look websight for time” (One look says Happy Hour in your office has already started.)

“EZ access-God direct” (When you see Him, tell Him He forgot to give you a spelling gene.)

“Leave cad” (Too late – I divorced him.)

“Nice bird sanitary” (Sure…until they unload on your thick skull.)

Key to Success? Not!

“Don’t tak key coz I’ll know who” (What will you do – beat me to death with your sixth grade diploma?)

“Seller said really want to be close” (…same thing Arnold said to his housekeeper.)

“Laundrey in grarage” (…which is where you should park your license.)

"Big commas accent porch” (…big question mark accents your career.)

“Must apply for loan fist” (Call my Uncle Vito “The Vice” - he’s the local loan fist back in Jersey.)

“Call tanks” (…great suggestion for L.A. rush hour.)

Question (on Trulia):

“Wat middle school to send my drauather”

Answer: Dear Marshmallow Brain, My first piece of advice is: CERTAINLY NOT THE SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED! My second piece of advice is: Do not smoke a bowl and then type – the results will be distrasterass. My third piece of advice: SURE AS HELL NOT THE SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED!

My Pick of the Week:

“Will be nice if bend over” (Offered by Hollywood Casting Couch Realty.)

"Send beds to listing agent" - Are You Asleep at the Keyboard?

We may have just taken a holiday, but there certainly was no holiday from real estate bloopers on the MLS, as well as on the web and in local ads. Georgina Hunter from beautiful Maui found a lovely blooper this week involving valves, Bruce Walter sent some great gaffes from Indiana, and Fred Glick from Philadelphia is back with Fred's Follies: Stupid Real Estate Questions From the Web. Wende Schoof from San Francisco and Jane Peters from Los Angeles also found some doozies. Please enjoy:
Pardon me?
"Send beds to listing agent" (Why bother - you're already asleep on the job.)
"Tediously maintained grounds" (Offered by Hoe-n-Hernia Realty)
"Brand New - Crowning soon" (I suggest you call your obstetrician.)
"Blank approval required" (Then look in the mirror, pal.)
"Additional guess house" (The only guess is how you got your license.)
"Sinkin living room" (Sunken career.)
"Nice Interior shed" (Lovely - an in-house outhouse designed by Jethro Clampett , your local indoor plumbing specialist.)
You've Got To be Kidding
"We can fiance you" (Good luck with that - I can't even get a date.)
"New lower pride" (I hear ya, pal. In this economy, I'd sell a skating rink to a legless corpse if I could get a signature.)
"New Pool for Sumner" (If you're referring to Sumner Redstone, he needs a new pool like I need crotch itch.)
"Nice house in Inland Umpire" (Hey, Abbott and Costello - "Who's on first?")
"Approved building plans... a $10,000 valve" (Either this is a house in the middle of Hoover Dam, or Dr Michael DeBakey is back from the dead.)
Fred's Follies (Question from Trulia)
Question: "i am realtor i was wandering how can get listings becuse had work before"
Answer: Dear Idiot, I suspect it is your mind that is wandering. I suggest you remove the icepick from your cranium before you honk and proceed. You mentioned that you "had work before." I am sorry to inform you that weaving baskets on Ward 6 doesn't qualify you for anything other than politics. In Washington, confusion is an art form, and you are a natural. Good luck - you have my vote.