Indiana Suffers Great Loss

Please pray for the victims of the Indy State Fair disaster, and their families. And God bless the people who jumped INTO the pile of metal to try to save others. We honor your courage and selfless response to those in need. You are heros.

ARE YOU TAKING ADVANTAGE OF LOS ANGELES' EXCITING EVENTS?

It seems that a lot of newcomers have many questions about Los Angeles' world famous Hollywood Bowl. I can promise you from personal experience that the Bowl is an exciting venue for people of all ages. This summer, try to check out one of the many exciting shows on a calendar that reflects many genres. What's coming up Friday? Hairspray! The excitement is mounting folks, and it's not too late to get tickets.
Below is a description of the Hollywood Bowl from their website. It's as much a part of L.A. as the Walk of Fame - but more entertaining!
Cradled in the Hollywood Hills, this historic amphitheater opened in 1922 and has been the longtime summertime home of the L.A. Philharmonic and, since 1991, the resident Hollywood Bowl Orchestra. You know you've arrived when you've played the joint -- the Bowl has hosted performances by Duke Ellington, the Beatles, Billie Holiday, Jimi Hendrix, the Arcade Fire, Love, Igor Stravinsky, Aretha Franklin, Oasis, the Doors, Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, Fred Astaire, Pink Floyd, Louie Armstrong, the Rolling Stones, Vladimir Horowitz, Judy Garland, the Seeds, Frank Zappa, Barbra Streisand, Little Richard, the Carpenters, the Who, Johnny Cash and Ella Fitzgerald, among many others. The Bowl's iconic band shell has evolved over the decades, growing bigger and better during a 2004 makeover. Fans are encouraged to picnic in the Bowl and surrounding areas, and food is also available from Patina... Ticket prices range from $1 for bench seats in the back to hundreds of dollars for box seats up front. No smoking. All ages.2301 N. Highland Ave. L.A., CA 90068 Hollywood (323) 850-2000

Why Winos Shouldn't List Houses

Hi Friends - Recently I have had a number of requests for my "Wino Post." (Thank you, dear readers!) This one was the official launch of my MLS BLOOPERS BLOG. Look for a new one on Friday, but in the meantime, here is the original, back by popular demand:

The MLS and the L.A. Times Real Estate pages should be on Oprah's Reading List. Seriously. There are so many typos and outrageous remarks in the MLS that it makes for great leisure reading. The newspaper ads certainly add to the merriment. I love houses with features such as a "slimming pool" or a "crook's kitchen," especially if those features are in a "Post and Bean" house. And what could be more entertaining than a "barge yard" (for your barges of course) or a "wall of widows?" Thus, I have compiled some of my favorite typos. So take a moment to smile, fiends. (Uh, I meant "friends.")

Would You Buy This House???

Large slitting room (Is this Tony Soprano's house?)

House on Beautiful wok street (But what if I don't cook?)

"Libary" with built in shivs (In all fairness, perhaps this is in a prison.)

Disclosure: Crack on back side (Relax, we all have one.)

Call lasting agent (It's true, there aren't many of us left!)

Oven flew in from Italy (Paid for with frequent flyer miles, no doubt.)

Built in wino bar (Is there a stool with my name on it?)

Lunch severed (One misplaced r and you're dead.)

Snacks and drunks okay... (My sentiments exactly.)

Bang hard (Let's just not go there).

Let's Sell This Sucker

Seller moved but furniture strayed (In most states that's grounds for divorce.)

Brick Drivaway (Mama Mia - Those bricks must have flown in from Italy with the oven.)

Seller in NY - Coming out soon (Okay, this was in West Hollywood...think about it.)

Plumbing needs motivation (Way too much information.)

Seller says Gas is a problem (His plumbing must "need motivation" also.)

Terrorist yard (Another head-scratcher.)

Pouter room (A place to go when the first payment is due)

Call Frist (Will the Senator filibuster for me?)

Beautiful terpentine tiles in shower (Note to self: Do Not Smoke in the Shower.)

Rear entry blocked off (Eat prunes already.)

Pieceful feeling (Especially when in the shiv room)

Seller can't say no (Neither could my ex...hence the "ex.")

Weird and Random

Rooster somewhere in the neighborhood, but not for long. (Need I say more?)

Screams reported at twilight open house were coyotes we think. (Or a rooster perhaps?)

The foundation bolted (But the house stayed???)

Grass fireplace starter (For a home on the tundra...)

Owner says dog likes the taste of people. (What are his thoughts on fresh rooster?)

Built-in smoker (Grandpa won't leave.)

Strange glass windows (I'm too dumb to make this stuff up.)

Cemetery nearby (This guy really knows how to close the deal.)

Ass is (Seriously? ...I mean SERIOUSLY?)

Agents to be split down the middle. (One screw up with a Tudor and suddenly you're on the rack!)

No smaking please (But you deserve one upside your thick head.)

Close to Therapy, Rehab and Shopping (One of those choices is bound to work.)

Designer Don. (A decorating offer you can't refuse!)

And in Case You Need Your Own Motivation:

Call then go. But call again if you can't get in. Then try again. (Fool me once...fool me twice...)

Call for show times. No kids. Seller may be there and can't handle anything less than four feet tall. (Hey Bozo - half the kids in Hollywood can probably afford to buy your dump!)

Seller says he'll give dog to buyer. Check with city for past complaints. Cute dog. (Uh-huh.)

Does anyone want a noisy bird? (To feed to a "cute dog" maybe...)

Hysterical Home (Is it in the Hysterectomy Books?)

Recently bombed for fleas. (That may have been overkill.)

Marina Del Ray houseboat w/ great living style. Ask about leaks and other issues. (Uh-huh...)

Biggest Sellers, So take Note:

No earthquake insurance. But this is a few miles from the San Andreas Fault so you'll be fine. (Good to know...IF YOU'RE SUICIDAL!)

Voted Safest Neighborhood until last year. (So I take it the chalk outline has some significance?)

Driveway is shared, but other party doesn't share too good. (That explains why the chalk outline is in the driveway.)

Neighbor on N. side is nasty. You've been warned. (Yes - I saw the driveway...)

And My Faves

Seller leaving state, Going to State of Denial. Kidding. It's just a bad market.

Okay, so I know what you all are thinking: Los Angeles is not a state of mind...it's a mindless state. But at least we are colorful and constipated. I mean consistent. Until next week, go in piece.

"BOOBIES PROVIDED"? For more Laughter, Please Check Out: http://activerain.com/blogsview/1667865/-boobies-provided-the-mls-comedy-tour

Contact Gwen by clicking here

The Best Streets in Los Angeles - $$$!

If you'd like to know where and what the most desirable streets in L.A. are, check out this great report in the L.A. Times by Lauren Beale:

http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-hot-streets27-2010mar27,0,6734165.story

There is a high price for "Spectacular"!

Real Estate Tales From The Streets of Hollywood

After a reader read my rant last week, "R U Networking or NOTworking," he challenged me to try a day of face-to-face marketing. (For those of you who cannot recall what that is, it involves getting out of your chair.) Moron that I am, I accepted his challenge and headed out onto the mean streets of Los Angeles to solicit clients. This is the bizarre story I barely lived to tell:

8:00 am: I pop out of bed. (That's early for us showbiz types.) After donning my fake designer duds I head out the door of my Hansel-and-Gretel-size overpriced house, jump into my leased Mercedes, wave to my stoned neighbor, try to back over a slow-moving kid (hey - this is L.A., not Iowa - speed or bleed!), and serpentine down Laurel Canyon with throngs of other Los Angelinos who feel that driving should never distract them from texting. Twenty minutes later, I finally arrive at Rite-Aid Drugs, which is practically walking distance to my house.

9:30 am: I run into Rite-Aid to grab a few of the props I will need for marketing: 1. Red Bull. (I do not drink caffeine because my synapses are already challenged, but I must have it visible in my car in order to look cool.) 2. Gourmet dog cookies and 3. Pepper Spray, which the somnolent salesclerk insists they don't sell. When I tell her I am about to embark on direct marketing and ask if the store sells firearms, she threatens to call the manager. I slip out the door before the manager/actor/bartender/waiter can find me and assault me with a head shot.
That's Not What I Had in Mind, Waldo!

9:45 am: Outside the store a group of people have congregated. With utmost confidence, I approach the group and hand out my business cards, offering to price their homes or answer any questions they may have, as though I am the Oracle of Re-fi. One guy asks me if I will marry him and have his demon spawn, and another turns his back on me and pees on a nearby newspaper stand.

TO CONTINUE WITH TALES OF HOLLYWOOD REAL ESTATE, PLEASE CLICK HERE