Real Estate Humor - A Fertile Field For Freud!

Sometimes I think the subconscious mind is controlling our typing, while the conscious mind is watching old Seinfeld and Family Guy reruns. Maybe Dr. Freud could explain some of these hilarious Los Angeles area postings in the MLS that range from weird spellings to oddball comments.

See if you can figure out what these agents are trying to say. But...if you are one of the agents who posted these listing remarks, call your therapist!

Carl Jung and Then Some:

"Do not go before calling - god bites." (That beats burning in the depths of hell.)

"Do not disturb occupunks" (The headstone of Sid Vicious?)

"Seller won't pay to test septic - says he's cleaned out." (Apparently seller ran a router through his down-spouter.)

"Wine and cheesey balls served." (Uh, pardon me, Mr. Limburger, are these yours?")

"Buyer who shows the most gets reward." (Seriously, dude, laughing at you is reward enough!)

"Master with sauna and new hit tub" (A Jersey special - Cream ‘em, Steam ‘em and Clean ‘em.)

Dr. Kinsey and Seller Whimsy

"Pipes just rodol roodled" (Agent just befiddle faddled.)

"Be sure to leave your business." (I have a hunch the seller who's "cleaned out" already did.)

"House w/ big balcony. Walk on at own risk." (Does the HOA cover DOA?)

"Staples for horses" (Office Depot for cows.)

"If you pass, you'll be sorry." (Especially if God bites!)

Call Dr. Phil, Then Pop a Pill

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"Bonus to Fix Seller" - More MLS Chucklers

Usually I have to skip a week to gather enough material for my MLS blooper review, but this past week was especially rife with colorful errors and head-scratching misspellings.

I even caught a few in the L.A. Times and Homes and Land Magazine. It appears that some agents were dozing at their keyboards…or doing tequila shooters – you decide.

Here are my Picks of the Week:

Where’s the Beef?

“Vintage cow foot tub with gold feet” (Old beef with gold leaf.)

“Mobile nome for sale (A leprechaun on a Harley?)

“Lots of great chops in area” (‘Great’ accordin’ to Lizzie Borden.)

“Lush landescaping” (Drunk land on the lam?)

“Nice area of mountain w/ village inn iit” (Offered by the Village Inn-i-it.”)

“Fixer – New reduced size!” (Seems the clunker’s been shrunkered.)

Too Good To Be True

“Bonus to fix seller” (We pay to spay.)

“New lo-flow John” (John must be on Flomax.)

“Nice Hollywood bunglaboo” (Agent bungle in the Hollywood jungle…)

“Work bintch thrown in for free” (The bintch should smack you upside your thick head.)

“Listen to the waves lapping in the arbor” (Run, you dud –there must be a flood!)


And Now I Have a Bridge to Sell You…

FOR MORE MLS CHUCKLES, VISIT:

"This House Will Smell Fast!"

This week's MLS was a whole bag ‘o crazy. Seriously, there should be a movie. I doubt if even Tina Fey could write anything funnier. Imagine it in 3D - with "fully stocked bras" and "large panty off kitchen." Special thanks to Greg Cooper and Patrick Martin and Fred Glick for their contributions:

Stinkin' and Drinkin'

"Garage and paddyo leans - needs support." (So does my Irish Uncle Paddyo after 4 pints of Guinness.

"This House will smell fast." (It seems the realtor stinks, also.)

"House has conservatorium" (A crematorium for Republicans, perhaps?)

"Hammered clobber tub" (I'll tell you who's hammered...)

"Everything on porch sways" (Tell Uncle Paddyo to get off the porch.)

And I Thought I had Heard It All...

"Converted church w/ original ball tower." (Geez - men need a monument for everything!)

"Extra Room in Attica" ( So much for prison overcrowding...)

"Laura Ashley pints in bedroom." (Uncle Paddyo passed out on bed.)

"Lazy Susan in kitch won't twist" (Put a dollar in her G String and see what happens)

"Antique fixtures made of bras." (Yes, old ones are hard to hold up.)

Gripes With the Pipes

"Chiten beans and rice served." (Someone will be chiten later for sure!)

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The MLS "Turkey Awards"

I think it's time to start a new awards show in Hollywood - The Super-Dooper-Blooper awards. The competition will be stiff, and the categories will be plentiful. The statue awarded will be a giant brass turkey. Why?...Because it was another week of weird descriptions and head scratchers on the MLS. One home was "warm and cotzly" and another was "near a succer field"...but they are no competition for what follows!

Thanks to Matt Stigliano of Re/Max, Patrick Martin of Sotheby's International Realty, and Nashville Broker Grant Hammond for their contributions, and thanks to the MLS for such a great read!


Masters and Disasters

"Master will thrill you" (But his wife may shoot you...)

"Two hoses on a lot" (...And one hoser agent.)

"Grass tiles in shower" (Cows grazing in bathroom)

"Awe-expiring view" (House with killer views)

"Steal of a deal - House w/ flour rentals" (Take ‘n Bake)

Disease and Dis-ease

"Inflammation deemed reliable but not guaranteed." (Try Neosporin.)

"Plaster in goof condition" (Goofy agent in plastered condition.)

"Fresh pain and carpet" (In case the payment isn't painful enough)

"Good property for investigators" (Apparently the master thrilled the wrong person...)

"Good schools and really fiendly neighbors" (A house to die for.)

"Big lard - needs work" (Is "Big Lard" the seller?)

Sin...and More Sin

"Vue home - golfers paradice" (A strip club for Tiger?)

"Just of Benadick Canyon" (That sounds painful...)

"Charming stoned path leads to herb garden" (Charming herbs lead to stoned agent.)

FOR MORE BLOOPERS, CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE

The Best Streets in Los Angeles - $$$!

If you'd like to know where and what the most desirable streets in L.A. are, check out this great report in the L.A. Times by Lauren Beale:

http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-hot-streets27-2010mar27,0,6734165.story

There is a high price for "Spectacular"!

Do you Tweet in order to establish your brand and promote your business? If you wnat more Tweet Power, check out this article from Tricia Anderson at Rismedia (o3/26/2010)

7 TIPS TO BRAND YOURSELF ON TWITTER

Marketing Messaging by Tricia Andreassen

RISMEDIA, March 26, 2010—There is a new wave of communication and lead generation opportunities in 2010, among them are social media platforms like Twitter. As one of the most prominent social networking platforms, Twitter is a great place to connect with people and give “tweets” of information about what is happening in your market. Twitter can also be the first place that people learn about who you are, what you do and why you are valuable to follow online.

With that in mind, think of Twitter as an extension of your business. Now, more than ever, it’s important to create a brand that helps your business stand out from the rest. You wouldn’t go to a networking function without business cards that include your company information, your phone number and a description of what you do, so make sure your Twitter account does. Consistency is the key when you are building and communicating your brand, no matter if it’s traditional advertising or new social media platforms.

Twitter even provides users the opportunity to brand themselves and their business. When signing up for Twitter, you are given the opportunity to use one of their template “skins” to showcase yourself or to create your own custom skin. By creating a custom branded Twitter skin you can showcase your own colors, your slogan or tag line and even your logo, further branding you and your business. With a custom Twitter skin that matches the branding of your business website, you are enhancing the probability that potential clients will remember you and your business.

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C.A.R. REPORTS ON CALIFORNIA HOME SALES AND PRICES

February sales and price report
For release:
Tuesday, March 23, 2010

C.A.R. reports February median price increased 14.1 percent; home sales decreased 11.7 percent

Quick Facts:
· Existing, single-family home sales decreased 11.7 percent in February to a seasonally adjusted rate
of 528,930 units on an annualized basis compared with February 2009.

· The statewide median price of an existing single-family home increased 14.1 percent in February to
$279,840, compared with February 2009.

· C.A.R.’s Unsold Inventory Index fell to 6.3 months in February, compared with 7.1 months in
February 2009.

LOS ANGELES (March 23) – Home sales decreased 11.7 percent in February in California compared with the same period a year ago, while the median price of an existing home rose 14.1 percent, the CALIFORNIA ASSOCIATION OF REALTORS® (C.A.R.) reported today.

“The federal tax credit for home buyers, low mortgage rates, and affordability at record levels have contributed to an unprecedented opportunity for many first-timers in the market for a home of their own,” said C.A.R. President Steve Goddard. “Although sales have declined from the unusually strong levels we experienced a year ago, they’ve remained above the 500,000 unit threshold for 18 consecutive months, while home prices continue to firm in the regions of the state most attractive to buyers taking advantage of today’s favorable market conditions.”

Closed escrow sales of existing, single-family detached homes in California totaled 528,930 in February at a seasonally adjusted annualized rate, according to information collected by C.A.R. from more than 90 local REALTOR® associations statewide. Statewide home resale activity decreased 11.7 percent from the revised 598,770 sales pace recorded in February 2009. Sales in February 2010 decreased 2.2 percent compared with the previous month.

The statewide sales figure represents what the total number of homes sold during 2010 would be if sales maintained the February pace throughout the year. It is adjusted to account for seasonal factors that typically influence home sales.

The median price of an existing, single-family detached home in California during February 2010 was $279,840, a 14.1 percent increase from the revised $245,230 median for February 2009, C.A.R. reported. The February 2010 median price decreased 2.4 percent compared with January’s $286,600 median price.

“Sales of distressed properties to investors and first-time buyers continued to drive the market in February, although at a lesser rate than a year ago,” said C.A.R. Vice President and Chief Economist Leslie Appleton-Young. “Supply continues to lag demand at the more affordable end of the market, with a 3.9 month supply of homes for sales priced below $300,000, compared with the long-run average of more than seven months. This contrasts sharply with the nearly 15-month supply of homes for sales priced at $1 million or more at the upper end of the market.”

Highlights of C.A.R.’s resale housing figures for February 2010:

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