The MLS Circus (Real Estate Humor)

There was a spelling circus on the MLS this week, friends. My friend from Active Rain, Kim McMahon, sent us a beauty from Chicago and colleague Marco Giancola from Ft. Lauderdale found a side-splitter. Enjoy the performance!
Under the Big Top
“Buy or tent” (Offered by Ringling Brothers Realty.)
"Foot served" (How does the other one taste?)
“Not hare Wedsday” (…But you’re a jackass today.)
“Near school an liberry” (…Then I suggest you check them out, you fruit cup.)
“Two car detected garage” (Half-brain detected on agent)
“A lot of guests parking” (This must be an L.A. rehab.)
Bring in the Clowns
“Buy now – beet rush” (Thank you for the vegetable update, potato head.)
“Central vacumme” (Perhaps you are describing your cranium?)
“This is a good by” (I suggest you say that to your career.)
“Don’t piss this one up” (That’s what I did in my pants when I read this.)
“You can’t top this house” (Have you tried calling a roofer?)
Now On The High Wire…
“Buy while interest is so low” (That’s doesn’t say much for your listing, pal.)
“Newly stagged” (Another divorce in Hollywood…)
“Nice valoo” (Is that served with chicken tandoori?)
“Tenant occupied, don’t get off in front yard” (Excuuuse me? Is this the home of Jenna Jameson?)
The Big Finale
Thanks to Kim for this Egregious Gaffe:
“VINAGE 18 units… Newr boiler porches… north of ravenswood brown line tain & short walk to river park, tuckpoint bsmt…
(Hello? Hellooo??? You with the drool on your chin - COME BACK – DON’T GO INTO THE LIGHT!!!)

For real estate listings and information, please visit me at www.LAHomesite.com

Indiana Suffers Great Loss

Please pray for the victims of the Indy State Fair disaster, and their families. And God bless the people who jumped INTO the pile of metal to try to save others. We honor your courage and selfless response to those in need. You are heros.

One More Reason Why I LOVE Laurel Canyon

Laurel Canyon has a special event on one Sunday in October every year: Laurel Canyon Photo Day. All the residents of our peaceful, mellow, rock-n-roll canyon go to The Laurel Canyon Country Store for food, music and conversation. The day ends with a giant group photo during which traffic is actually halted on busy Laurel Canyon Blvd. Come join in the fun and be part of Laurel Canyon history. Date to be announced soon!

Check out the video of last year's event:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zVpaRPzMwY

ARE YOU TAKING ADVANTAGE OF LOS ANGELES' EXCITING EVENTS?

It seems that a lot of newcomers have many questions about Los Angeles' world famous Hollywood Bowl. I can promise you from personal experience that the Bowl is an exciting venue for people of all ages. This summer, try to check out one of the many exciting shows on a calendar that reflects many genres. What's coming up Friday? Hairspray! The excitement is mounting folks, and it's not too late to get tickets.
Below is a description of the Hollywood Bowl from their website. It's as much a part of L.A. as the Walk of Fame - but more entertaining!
Cradled in the Hollywood Hills, this historic amphitheater opened in 1922 and has been the longtime summertime home of the L.A. Philharmonic and, since 1991, the resident Hollywood Bowl Orchestra. You know you've arrived when you've played the joint -- the Bowl has hosted performances by Duke Ellington, the Beatles, Billie Holiday, Jimi Hendrix, the Arcade Fire, Love, Igor Stravinsky, Aretha Franklin, Oasis, the Doors, Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, Fred Astaire, Pink Floyd, Louie Armstrong, the Rolling Stones, Vladimir Horowitz, Judy Garland, the Seeds, Frank Zappa, Barbra Streisand, Little Richard, the Carpenters, the Who, Johnny Cash and Ella Fitzgerald, among many others. The Bowl's iconic band shell has evolved over the decades, growing bigger and better during a 2004 makeover. Fans are encouraged to picnic in the Bowl and surrounding areas, and food is also available from Patina... Ticket prices range from $1 for bench seats in the back to hundreds of dollars for box seats up front. No smoking. All ages.2301 N. Highland Ave. L.A., CA 90068 Hollywood (323) 850-2000

Listings with No Lick of Sense (Real Estate Humor)

There was a lot of spit-shining needed on the MLS and in local ads this week. It seems a lot of people cannot spell in our native tongue. Thanks to my colleague, Jane Peters, for her great contribution. Take a lick, uh, ”look” at these:

Lapping It Up

“Be sure to lick up” (Rent a pack of jackals, pal – this tongue ain’t for rent!)

“Awe-inspiting views” (That’s great if you’re sitting in a dental chair.)

“Look websight for time” (One look says Happy Hour in your office has already started.)

“EZ access-God direct” (When you see Him, tell Him He forgot to give you a spelling gene.)

“Leave cad” (Too late – I divorced him.)

“Nice bird sanitary” (Sure…until they unload on your thick skull.)

Key to Success? Not!

“Don’t tak key coz I’ll know who” (What will you do – beat me to death with your sixth grade diploma?)

“Seller said really want to be close” (…same thing Arnold said to his housekeeper.)

“Laundrey in grarage” (…which is where you should park your license.)

"Big commas accent porch” (…big question mark accents your career.)

“Must apply for loan fist” (Call my Uncle Vito “The Vice” - he’s the local loan fist back in Jersey.)

“Call tanks” (…great suggestion for L.A. rush hour.)

Question (on Trulia):

“Wat middle school to send my drauather”

Answer: Dear Marshmallow Brain, My first piece of advice is: CERTAINLY NOT THE SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED! My second piece of advice is: Do not smoke a bowl and then type – the results will be distrasterass. My third piece of advice: SURE AS HELL NOT THE SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED!

My Pick of the Week:

“Will be nice if bend over” (Offered by Hollywood Casting Couch Realty.)

Death By Blogging

Okay, all you blogging animals - isn't anyone out there as exhausted from all the blogging "how-to's and must-do's" as I? I have become a bleary-eyed recluse. My computer should be buying me dinner, as it gets more action in one day than I have had in a decade!

I have blood-shot eyes and a back porch spread that makes my jeans scream in protest. My fingers are cramped and my shoulders have given way to a permanent slump. If I could turn my stiff neck, I'd probably be greeted by a dowager's hump named Gertrude. I have to ask myself: "Shouldn't I be out pressing the flesh rather than growing it?" When I cuddle up to my computer, does it really whisper sweet nothings, or is that just the wheezing from my under-used lungs? Perhaps that's just the sound of Gertrude admonishing me for my lack of interaction with anything that breathes.

Sometimes I ask myself, "Are my cyberspace friends going to rush over here to my Blog Bog and place a damp cloth to my brow when I finally fall face forward onto my keyboard? Does anyone give a rat's a__ that I moved up a notch on my points ladder this week? Am I the only person who is overwhelmed by the pressures of today's non-social networking expectations? ...Or is it simply that my last martini finally kicked in?

Does anyone else have Blogger's Blues?

Looking for homes in Los Angeles and the surrounding areas? Please visit me at www.LAhomesite.com

MOST EXCLUSIVE LOG CABIN COMPOUND EVER BUILT!!

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS? My new listing is truly amazing! It boasts 16,500sq', nine bedrooms, and nine baths. It has a spa size gym, sauna, steam room, and it even features a theatre, game room, and it's very own fully-equipped casino!

The home is located on Gull lake, just outside of Mammoth in the fishing/ski mecca of the Sierra Nevada. Asking price: $16,400,000. For a visual tour that will make you drool, please visit http://www.victorylodgeinfo.com/