Friday, April 30, 2010

"Bonus to Fix Seller" - More MLS Chucklers

Usually I have to skip a week to gather enough material for my MLS blooper review, but this past week was especially rife with colorful errors and head-scratching misspellings.

I even caught a few in the L.A. Times and Homes and Land Magazine. It appears that some agents were dozing at their keyboards…or doing tequila shooters – you decide.

Here are my Picks of the Week:

Where’s the Beef?

“Vintage cow foot tub with gold feet” (Old beef with gold leaf.)

“Mobile nome for sale (A leprechaun on a Harley?)

“Lots of great chops in area” (‘Great’ accordin’ to Lizzie Borden.)

“Lush landescaping” (Drunk land on the lam?)

“Nice area of mountain w/ village inn iit” (Offered by the Village Inn-i-it.”)

“Fixer – New reduced size!” (Seems the clunker’s been shrunkered.)

Too Good To Be True

“Bonus to fix seller” (We pay to spay.)

“New lo-flow John” (John must be on Flomax.)

“Nice Hollywood bunglaboo” (Agent bungle in the Hollywood jungle…)

“Work bintch thrown in for free” (The bintch should smack you upside your thick head.)

“Listen to the waves lapping in the arbor” (Run, you dud –there must be a flood!)

And Now I Have a Bridge to Sell You…


Friday, April 23, 2010

"This House Will Smell Fast!"

This week's MLS was a whole bag ‘o crazy. Seriously, there should be a movie. I doubt if even Tina Fey could write anything funnier. Imagine it in 3D - with "fully stocked bras" and "large panty off kitchen." Special thanks to Greg Cooper and Patrick Martin and Fred Glick for their contributions:

Stinkin' and Drinkin'

"Garage and paddyo leans - needs support." (So does my Irish Uncle Paddyo after 4 pints of Guinness.

"This House will smell fast." (It seems the realtor stinks, also.)

"House has conservatorium" (A crematorium for Republicans, perhaps?)

"Hammered clobber tub" (I'll tell you who's hammered...)

"Everything on porch sways" (Tell Uncle Paddyo to get off the porch.)

And I Thought I had Heard It All...

"Converted church w/ original ball tower." (Geez - men need a monument for everything!)

"Extra Room in Attica" ( So much for prison overcrowding...)

"Laura Ashley pints in bedroom." (Uncle Paddyo passed out on bed.)

"Lazy Susan in kitch won't twist" (Put a dollar in her G String and see what happens)

"Antique fixtures made of bras." (Yes, old ones are hard to hold up.)

Gripes With the Pipes

"Chiten beans and rice served." (Someone will be chiten later for sure!)


Monday, April 19, 2010

The MLS "Turkey Awards"

I think it's time to start a new awards show in Hollywood - The Super-Dooper-Blooper awards. The competition will be stiff, and the categories will be plentiful. The statue awarded will be a giant brass turkey. Why?...Because it was another week of weird descriptions and head scratchers on the MLS. One home was "warm and cotzly" and another was "near a succer field"...but they are no competition for what follows!

Thanks to Matt Stigliano of Re/Max, Patrick Martin of Sotheby's International Realty, and Nashville Broker Grant Hammond for their contributions, and thanks to the MLS for such a great read!

Masters and Disasters

"Master will thrill you" (But his wife may shoot you...)

"Two hoses on a lot" (...And one hoser agent.)

"Grass tiles in shower" (Cows grazing in bathroom)

"Awe-expiring view" (House with killer views)

"Steal of a deal - House w/ flour rentals" (Take ‘n Bake)

Disease and Dis-ease

"Inflammation deemed reliable but not guaranteed." (Try Neosporin.)

"Plaster in goof condition" (Goofy agent in plastered condition.)

"Fresh pain and carpet" (In case the payment isn't painful enough)

"Good property for investigators" (Apparently the master thrilled the wrong person...)

"Good schools and really fiendly neighbors" (A house to die for.)

"Big lard - needs work" (Is "Big Lard" the seller?)

Sin...and More Sin

"Vue home - golfers paradice" (A strip club for Tiger?)

"Just of Benadick Canyon" (That sounds painful...)

"Charming stoned path leads to herb garden" (Charming herbs lead to stoned agent.)