Friday, June 1, 2012

The Slow Burn...

A lot of listings went up in metaphorical flames this week, friends. Check out these bloopers and you’ll know why some listings are DOA. Thanks to Jane Peters of Los Angeles for being my ever-vigilant third eye.

I Smell Smoke

"This pad is smokin" (And you obviously have been too, Stony.)
“Charring back patio” (Reason # 1 not to mix tequila and butane.)
“Open Sungay” – (Fancy snacks and they'll do your hair.)
“Lots oof stares” (Methinks they’re staring at the hole in your head.)
“Be careful – blond turn” (That explains the tire tracks and the mascara smears on the crossing guard...)
“Breezes and birds stinging” (Whimpered Magic Johnson when he lost his shorts to Larry Bird and the Celtics in the ’84 playoff games.)

I See Flames

“Sunset Blvd - orange house left” (No doubt it left after being cited for lack of taste.)
“Last month rant” (Another session in Congress must be coming to a close...)
“Spit rail fence” (Let me guess - latest tune by Mucous Mary and the Phlegmhackers?)
“House turd″ (I see you've met my ex.)

I Hear Fire Trucks

“Condo for leash” (You must be the thrill of the dog park...)
“English Tudor w/ high patched roof” (It’s your pitch that needs patching, and you must be high.)
“Newq lasting - red hot” (That explains the black hole in your cerebral cortex.)

Last Words…

Fabulouse wrap around views…formal dinning room…Master Suit… salin pool (I suggest you don your suit, make your way through the din, drown yourself in the salin pool and enjoy the fabulouse views as you go into the light….)


“No balls after 8 pm” (Hollywood’s version of “Not tonight, honey – I have a headache.”)

For more real estate humor, please visit Gwen at  Agent Genius. For all your real estate needs, please go to