Friday, August 14, 2009

Social Networking Exhaustion Syndrome

I Can't Take It Anymore!!!

Every time I turn on my computer these days there's a party going on in my room - it's called SOCIAL NETWORKING. No, I really am not a curmudgeon - I am just a sleep-deprived individual who knows that if I don't show up at the party I will be considered a geek and I won't get to sit at the lunch table with the popular kids. Aw, c'mon - you know I'm not the only one who feels pressured to be on the web party circuit. Be there or be square. Yes, it's a way to passively market, but I miss the direct approach: "List your house with me and I'll work for you like a monkey on crack."

Yes, I know - if I am going to rant about social networking, then why am I a blogger? Pot, say hello to kettle. But haven't we taken it to excess? Some of my friends are too busy to go out because they need to answer FB messages, and others think they are going out because they are Tweeting someone Down Under. This is not reality, folks - this is virtual schmoozing! It's about as intimate as kissing a light socket, but not nearly as scintillating.
Noogies and Water Balloons

Pardon my crankiness, but I am exhausted. From now on I am going to limit all FB friends to the Cast of Oceans 11-13. But please, even if you "friend" me, George and Brad - no pokes or nudges, I beg of you. What the hell is with the nudging? That's like a cyberspace noogie - and we all hate those. Last week someone actually sent me a water balloon via FB. A water balloon! If it's not filled with Vodka, why bother? Do I LOOK like I have time to play stupid internet games in the middle of my workday? I sent a Claymore Mine back. So much for a good time.

And what's with the "points" you get on some websites? I can't handle the pressure - it's like getting graded. I'm convinced my eighth grade teacher is lurking in the Network Connection parking lot yelling, "What - only 12 points? You pathetic loser - I told you you'd never amount to anything. Here's a water balloon!"

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