Friday, November 27, 2009

Did You Give That Any Thought???

People do strange things, and open houses seem to encourage a whole bag of crazy. Over the past few months, I have gathered a few choice stories from my beleaguered colleagues - incidents which are too funny not to share. Yes, truth is stranger than fiction, so after every tale, I have added my martini-inspired ideas for book titles. All reader suggestions welcome:

The Smell of De-feet

The gnarly guy who sat down in a chair at an open house, removed his sock, and cleaned the toe jam and lint from between his hairy toes. (Eee-yew and Pee-yew.)

The lady with the designer dog in her designer bag who bent over and dropped the critter into the designer bidet then ran through the house screaming, "Buddy almost went into the light - someone's going to get sued!" (Flash, Splash and Dash for Cash)

The guy who told his two bratty, precocious kids to go sit in the car while he previewed a house in the Valley, and "don't try to hot wire the engine this time." (The Case For Ignition Prohibition - Part II)

The unkempt young couple that was thrown out of an open house for warming their feet in the hot tub while swapping copious amounts of spit. (Bubble Trouble Besets Uncouth Youth.)

The aging "dancer" in an outfit smaller than a kleenex who was trying to pick up men at a Hollywood open house buffet...while repeatedly sneezing all over the food. (Tease, Sleeze, Sneeze and Disease)

The two agents who ran into each other at an open house in Manhattan Beach, and then proceded to get into a loud fight over a sour deal while their current clients watched in horror. (The Case of Procuring Claws.)

And Now For the Musical Portion of Our Program

The man who backed up too far and fell down a hillside in Encino while his loving children doubled over with laughter. (Papa Was a Rolling Stone...)

The old man seen filling a bag with Open House hors d'oeuvres and then shoving the bag...


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